Today was the most devastating thing that could ever happen to me. I could have lost my relationship with my best friend of all time today. The only person that understands me, and I will never have to worry about being judge ever! I should pay attention to what she wants and needs at all times. She is always driving me around and helping me out. I honestly do appreciate what she is doing for me, but she is right. I’m not showing it. I’ve notices that myself. I don’t want to loose her to a person that’s a bum and cant afford to have a car and his own place to live. She doesn’t want a man that lives with his mother at age 25. I want to grow up and be a man already. I’ve wasted so much fucking time with my life. I want to have a serious relationship with my girlfriend because she is going to be my closest friend. If I was in her shoes , I would feel the same damn way. I would want proof on how you would change. I’m so sorry for that! I know I say that a lot but I really am sorry. I don’t wanna have to keep saying that. I want things better between us. I don’t know how many times I’m gonna have to say that I’m going to change but I’m going to give it a try. I don’t wanna loose you but I also don’t wanna smother you at the same time. I always get asked if I ever get tired of hanging out with you every single day. Sometimes I do, but at the same time I hate not having you around, so I have decided. I’m going to work on being a better person. I will have a car to drive. I will have my own place. I will go back to school. I will get my shit together. It’s going to be so damn hard, but im going to give it my all. I don’t want you to be with a manchild. Don’t say or think that I’m going to get mad at you because you wanted me to change because I didn’t want to. I do want to change. Im tired of being like this. I dont wanna sound like a broken record, but honestly I want to chang for myself. I don’t want to live like this anymore. You are very special to me. You keep me motivated. You make me want more. I don’t want to scare you away at all, because you are right. This is a lot of pressure on you. I keep thinking you are much older than you really are. You are already matured for your age. I’m jelious of that. I’ve should have been like that a long ass time ago. I haven’t fucking change and now that I fully see that, I hate myself for not doing anything about it. I’m so stupid sometimes. No. All the time. Thats not cute at all. You are going to have a whole new man starting now. It’s not fare to you at all. I’m starting to understand what you mean when you say things like how I don’t treat you with respect. Or I treat you like one of the homeboys. That is over with. I’m just glad I saw it before it was too late. I’m sorry for all this rambling, but I really mean it. I’m going to change. From now on I want to talk about everything with you. I don’t care. I still want to get to know you. I’m not done with you yet. I seriously feel like shit on how many times I made you cry. That is not good. I don’t like that. That’s getting changed real fucking quick! No more dick head. Ill grow the fuck up. I will end this note saying I will start my new life today. No more bullshitting around.
